Whispered in my ear,
That It could only be right,
Took away my juvenile fear,
As you held me tight.
Pushed back a stray lock
Lifted up my quivering chin,
Wanting to escape, I tried to talk
But you knew you had me, you'd already taken me in.
Breaths got hotter,
Heartbeats picked up pace,
My stomach got tauter
As the butterflies filled the space.
Shut my eyes,
As i finally gave in,
Felt your thighs,
Move against my shivering skin.
Kissed me gentle,
I felt the cold go in,
My head spun,I felt mental
As your sweetness filled me in.
Pulled from the embrace,
Just to see if it was True,
Blinked as i saw your genuine face,
And now all i see is You.
Kissed you back
Kissed you strong,
It felt so right on track,
It could have never been wrong.
I stare blankly and I think of then
I miss knowing your mine,
I miss knowing exactly how and when.
Your closeness now feels so different,
Your so near, it feel so distant.
I wanT to reach out and touch your face,
I want to get lost in your embrace.
I want to kiss you when you least expect it
I want to wake up to your hot breath on my hair,
I want your baby face to be only mine,
I want to hold u when your low, I want to end your despair.
I wish life was easy,
I wish dreams came true,
I Wish you'd see
How much I want to be there for you.
Saturday, September 04, 2010
Wednesday, August 25, 2010
Thursday, July 22, 2010
He used to watch her every move with hazel eyes full of adoration.Everything that came out of her small pouty lips was delightful and full of life.Time spent with her was never dull, never wasted. She seemed so carefree. Everything she did, she did it because she realllly genuinely wanted to. He wondered if she would want him the same way she wanted to gorge on 5 donuts and grin sheepishly once they were over or the way she was up for walks or drives in the middle of the night no matter how tired she was a few hours ago or the way she wanted to live life without regretting anything.
He wanted her.That's All he could think of whenever she was around.In fact that's all he could think about when she wasn't around either.
He loved waking up to the sound of her heavy breathing in the far end of the room,and wondered when the far end would become so close that he could feel her hot breath on his neck as she slumbered on his chest.
Her:
I know he cares.But I am a mere want.How am I supposed to give in when I know that I'm just someone and not the ONE.Im afraid...afraid to fall once again,Afraid that I might let one of my impulsive mindsets control me.He is lovely, he is the epitome of someone dependable ,someone trustworthy and honest. Honesty is my weakness.Resisting someone in the other end of the same 500 sq foot room is difficult.Resisting making eye contact,smiling when you really want to,making an effort to please someone become hard as you get closer.You often persist what you resist,someone dear once told me.
I resisted....I persisted...but he cannot know.
He wanted her.That's All he could think of whenever she was around.In fact that's all he could think about when she wasn't around either.
He loved waking up to the sound of her heavy breathing in the far end of the room,and wondered when the far end would become so close that he could feel her hot breath on his neck as she slumbered on his chest.
Her:
I know he cares.But I am a mere want.How am I supposed to give in when I know that I'm just someone and not the ONE.Im afraid...afraid to fall once again,Afraid that I might let one of my impulsive mindsets control me.He is lovely, he is the epitome of someone dependable ,someone trustworthy and honest. Honesty is my weakness.Resisting someone in the other end of the same 500 sq foot room is difficult.Resisting making eye contact,smiling when you really want to,making an effort to please someone become hard as you get closer.You often persist what you resist,someone dear once told me.
I resisted....I persisted...but he cannot know.
Saturday, June 26, 2010
So trapped in my own fear,
So weary of wondering what's true
SO scared of letting myself fall again,
So unsure, so naive , all I want to do is trust you
Is it too soon, Am I being daft,
I think about you all the time,
And I can't hold back no more
I wanna tell you so much, Im too scared it will show.
Im walking on air, with a smile plastered on,
It's all because of you,
Its been so long since ive felt this way i'd almost forgotten
what its like to be liked, to be spoiled rotten.
You've got me stuck on the threshold now,
With your strong grip and steadfast persistence,
How am I supposed to shrug off that smile,
How long can I hold on to this resistance?
Been broken once and broken twice
There's not much left to break,
What I need now is honesty,
An equal give and an equal take
So,When you're looking at me like that,
Tell me, is it really me you see?
Or an illusion of someone not here?
An illusion that's reflecting in my every tear...
So weary of wondering what's true
SO scared of letting myself fall again,
So unsure, so naive , all I want to do is trust you
Is it too soon, Am I being daft,
I think about you all the time,
And I can't hold back no more
I wanna tell you so much, Im too scared it will show.
Im walking on air, with a smile plastered on,
It's all because of you,
Its been so long since ive felt this way i'd almost forgotten
what its like to be liked, to be spoiled rotten.
You've got me stuck on the threshold now,
With your strong grip and steadfast persistence,
How am I supposed to shrug off that smile,
How long can I hold on to this resistance?
Been broken once and broken twice
There's not much left to break,
What I need now is honesty,
An equal give and an equal take
So,When you're looking at me like that,
Tell me, is it really me you see?
Or an illusion of someone not here?
An illusion that's reflecting in my every tear...
Tuesday, April 20, 2010
Things i need to do in the next week
SO...
# 1 A super hot boy so he can make me hot cocoa and give me back rubs...*sigh* NO!!!!!
OK real # 1 : Assignments . 2 of them in the next 2 days!!2 next week plus workshop the week after..which leads me to point #2
# 2 LIVE AT UNI...might as well take a suitcase with me.
#3 Secret work project that just got added to the list!! Need to finish TONIGHT..no biggie...i can manage...Just need to set this time machine on...erm maybe 2 years ago!!!!
#4 Start living like a normal person. I.E eat !!! SLEEP!!! exercise!!!
Not happening this week so i don't know why i bothered to write it down.Self pity,its called, I've been told..:P
#5 BUY 2 PAIRS OF SHOES.STRONG ONES.that do NOT effing decide to detach pieces when I'm having days LIKE THESE!!!ARGHH
# 6 Buy sweater dress...maybe 2:p I need them okay! it says so in the "how to look like an accomplished writer" Book . How else am i going to convince people to read my stuff??
#7 soak up whatever's left of the sun!Its not going to last long I've been warned!
#8 PAY RENT!!!!
#9 Find friend who works at sushi place!!! HIGH PRIORITY!!
#10 RELAX...i really really need to:(
# 1 A super hot boy so he can make me hot cocoa and give me back rubs...*sigh* NO!!!!!
OK real # 1 : Assignments . 2 of them in the next 2 days!!2 next week plus workshop the week after..which leads me to point #2
# 2 LIVE AT UNI...might as well take a suitcase with me.
#3 Secret work project that just got added to the list!! Need to finish TONIGHT..no biggie...i can manage...Just need to set this time machine on...erm maybe 2 years ago!!!!
#4 Start living like a normal person. I.E eat !!! SLEEP!!! exercise!!!
Not happening this week so i don't know why i bothered to write it down.Self pity,its called, I've been told..:P
#5 BUY 2 PAIRS OF SHOES.STRONG ONES.that do NOT effing decide to detach pieces when I'm having days LIKE THESE!!!ARGHH
# 6 Buy sweater dress...maybe 2:p I need them okay! it says so in the "how to look like an accomplished writer" Book . How else am i going to convince people to read my stuff??
#7 soak up whatever's left of the sun!Its not going to last long I've been warned!
#8 PAY RENT!!!!
#9 Find friend who works at sushi place!!! HIGH PRIORITY!!
#10 RELAX...i really really need to:(
Thursday, April 08, 2010
Dis iz ma lazt trsH tok post
*strecthes arm outwards* I, Tianna Simone Niriksha Coelho a.k.a Fairy rabbit:p hereby solemnly pledge my sincere respect to English because even though the people took over my home land 60 years ago i still appreciate them for giving me crumpets and hot british men with killer accents.No, really though. I pledge that AFTER this post i will speak(type) FULL spellings and disapprove of all cyber convenience spellings and text message trash talk ON THIS BLOG.
** Exceptions include all words that are created by me. HINT: these words will have a 'ness."ator' or "ating" where its not supposed to be.
ok so nw dat im hea! i haf no idea wat im gonna be writing bout!n 2 mak id worse der r red lines evrywhea!i beez a total waste of humanity lol.i dun even tok leik dis neway. Nw i realize wot a wazte of a gud space of blogging dis is. stubborn much?yez!i wont stp ,ill kip it goin baby,yea yeaa wao waooooo waooo! no dat is not short for wow!
OK i cannot i cannot do this! i realise i have wasted my only chance to be a lazy cyber talkenator(read HINT)
assignments, assignments ,paniccccccc,a the disco? unwantedddd thoughts!random words, sock, nick, fiction writing , STORYYYYYYYY...ookaybye!
** Exceptions include all words that are created by me. HINT: these words will have a 'ness."ator' or "ating" where its not supposed to be.
ok so nw dat im hea! i haf no idea wat im gonna be writing bout!n 2 mak id worse der r red lines evrywhea!i beez a total waste of humanity lol.i dun even tok leik dis neway. Nw i realize wot a wazte of a gud space of blogging dis is. stubborn much?yez!i wont stp ,ill kip it goin baby,yea yeaa wao waooooo waooo! no dat is not short for wow!
OK i cannot i cannot do this! i realise i have wasted my only chance to be a lazy cyber talkenator(read HINT)
assignments, assignments ,paniccccccc,a the disco? unwantedddd thoughts!random words, sock, nick, fiction writing , STORYYYYYYYY...ookaybye!
Random Confessions of an overworked mind!
Ok so to make my blog a tad bit interesting to imaginary readers i decided to reveal things about me that no one i know could guess! excited? no?? c'mon a little bit? ahh Go stuff yourself.Im writing anyway:)also i will try not to counter my flaws with explanations!:|
1) i eat way more Nutella than i should be eating and then smear chocolate on the sides so the jar still looks full!
2)i can sit for hourrrrs doing NOTHING and have a smile on my face!( yes thats how much i think!)
3)i just saw this wierd looking device with a button on it that i thought was a torch , so DUHH i pressed the button ...heard a sound outside ....ignored the sound and went to my room.i sat for 6 minutes making up a story about how i must have opened the garage door with that button and how wild the flatemate would be when her car got stolen and she'd get hysterical as always( i mean who wudnt if their car got stolen..ill give her that:p) and call the police and theyd find my fingerprints and OMG!ONLYY that thought forced me to check!
Peeked out of the window, half scared a face might peep back at me and saw that i had indeed opened grudge's garage door!!tiptoed back to the device thing and floorboard makes an enourmousss creak just then but i managed to stay of jail this time!!!:P
4)ive been eating in bed ever since i got here!!!
5)i spend unhealthy hours online and i make good use of laptop mobility!! i.e i even take it to the shower ...Music ..makes boring old showering so much more interesting!
6)i walk superfast and dont look around when i run to the loo at night !
7)i pretend to know something that i don't actually know sometimes( however!! my face says it all!!! so its excusable right?).Some of you know this already!eheh
8)My otherwise okay willpower fails miserably when faced with dessert.SO i sometimes use my PCOD as an excuse!(things i do to stay healthy!)
9) i snore occasionaly:( how attractive...marriage proposals now anyone?:p
10) Brighten,contrast, crop and blur ! thats all my saying:P
enough for now
I be's procrastination at its best right now ! No this is not a confession. its a shamelessly publicized fast and everyone in my fiction writing class will now vouch for it!
toodles imaginaries!
1) i eat way more Nutella than i should be eating and then smear chocolate on the sides so the jar still looks full!
2)i can sit for hourrrrs doing NOTHING and have a smile on my face!( yes thats how much i think!)
3)i just saw this wierd looking device with a button on it that i thought was a torch , so DUHH i pressed the button ...heard a sound outside ....ignored the sound and went to my room.i sat for 6 minutes making up a story about how i must have opened the garage door with that button and how wild the flatemate would be when her car got stolen and she'd get hysterical as always( i mean who wudnt if their car got stolen..ill give her that:p) and call the police and theyd find my fingerprints and OMG!ONLYY that thought forced me to check!
Peeked out of the window, half scared a face might peep back at me and saw that i had indeed opened grudge's garage door!!tiptoed back to the device thing and floorboard makes an enourmousss creak just then but i managed to stay of jail this time!!!:P
4)ive been eating in bed ever since i got here!!!
5)i spend unhealthy hours online and i make good use of laptop mobility!! i.e i even take it to the shower ...Music ..makes boring old showering so much more interesting!
6)i walk superfast and dont look around when i run to the loo at night !
7)i pretend to know something that i don't actually know sometimes( however!! my face says it all!!! so its excusable right?).Some of you know this already!eheh
8)My otherwise okay willpower fails miserably when faced with dessert.SO i sometimes use my PCOD as an excuse!(things i do to stay healthy!)
9) i snore occasionaly:( how attractive...marriage proposals now anyone?:p
10) Brighten,contrast, crop and blur ! thats all my saying:P
enough for now
I be's procrastination at its best right now ! No this is not a confession. its a shamelessly publicized fast and everyone in my fiction writing class will now vouch for it!
toodles imaginaries!
Friday, April 02, 2010
So i woke up this morning.(yesss i woke up before 1 today!!!)and i kept thinking of the 4 dreams i had last night.one had my old cupboard in it!! and reallly drab clothes. blue grey white...ugh! one had my cousins, one had a friend and his friends and one had me.i was FIFTEEN.i wanted to go back to bed and dream i was SIXTEEN. if you know me you'll know why!if you dont know me ,then you dont need to know why and if you know me and still dont know why you definately dont know me well enough to know why!
So ive been trying to remember all the things i did when i was 15.i thought i was SOO old...ouch!lol.i 'd just finished school.I had the bestestttt friends ever.i had about 20 testinmonials on hi 5 and orkut and all from realll friends.not the type that write stuff because they have extra time.most of them have slowly fallen into that category now! I was shy.oh my god so shy. yet i would not stop talkin shit to afshi and reva and jeff and irinca.akshay and me were besties!=( i was PHOEBE. yea i long skirts and wierd .i also had 27 pink tops.!!!some of them read" little angel" hehehe. most of my testimonials said that too.*sigh* where did that bit go?i used to say random wierd philosophical sounding things!
i used to be online from 12 -6 every night/morn and i knew people in kuwait!!!
i used to wwake up for church at 8.seeing someone in pain hurt me ,sometimes more than it hurt them, i used to write in my diary every night because "every smile was a new horizon" yea i wrote that when iwas 15! and everthing made me want to write.my terrace was heavennn. i could make it seem like it was cold and windy even in the thick indian summer , id have these fogged up dreamy eyes, face leaning forward, goody smile plastered on my face letting the wind(?) blow my hair which definately looks better now:P!id sit with my diary open and not write ! sing, really soft in case someone came upstairs, mostly kim and his friends!if they did i would run away trying my best not to be noticed!oh my god i have TRPH..wow that was fun. Tian Riz Premanjali n Hershey!!! and hersh got me hooked on to "over and over again - tim mc graw" hmm sweet.and i actually still like it 8 years later! 8 phew!i used to cry bitterly at even a hint of emotion, iused to crya lot.period.
anyway i can go on about being 15 when im not anymore , im a different person obviously.
im not shy, not all the time at least, i dont have any testimonials . i hardly have pink clothes, i still write but less than i should be, considering im studyin to be a professional writer.i still say random stuff , only it doesnt sound philosophical now.i still talk shit to reva and afshi ,i still cry,a lot:P, i do not fall in love with everyone now, merely appreciate the beauty lol,i do not write periodic emails to friends jsut to make them feel good:(,i stilll know fion fieza and liesbeth1!!!!i like red nailpolish but i stil love black!i dont wear sneakers with skirts anymore. ok im tried lol
and i have like this big messy room to clean, paint my nails...RED!exfoliate...the rest you dont need to know!(see still leetal shy, no?)and i have no eleee to entertain me and help me procratinate while we decide to clean the room, this may be the only time i appreciate a shared room!!
anyway tooooodlesssssssssss
song: fifteen - taylor swift. hahah i knowww .dont judge!!!
So ive been trying to remember all the things i did when i was 15.i thought i was SOO old...ouch!lol.i 'd just finished school.I had the bestestttt friends ever.i had about 20 testinmonials on hi 5 and orkut and all from realll friends.not the type that write stuff because they have extra time.most of them have slowly fallen into that category now! I was shy.oh my god so shy. yet i would not stop talkin shit to afshi and reva and jeff and irinca.akshay and me were besties!=( i was PHOEBE. yea i long skirts and wierd .i also had 27 pink tops.!!!some of them read" little angel" hehehe. most of my testimonials said that too.*sigh* where did that bit go?i used to say random wierd philosophical sounding things!
i used to be online from 12 -6 every night/morn and i knew people in kuwait!!!
i used to wwake up for church at 8.seeing someone in pain hurt me ,sometimes more than it hurt them, i used to write in my diary every night because "every smile was a new horizon" yea i wrote that when iwas 15! and everthing made me want to write.my terrace was heavennn. i could make it seem like it was cold and windy even in the thick indian summer , id have these fogged up dreamy eyes, face leaning forward, goody smile plastered on my face letting the wind(?) blow my hair which definately looks better now:P!id sit with my diary open and not write ! sing, really soft in case someone came upstairs, mostly kim and his friends!if they did i would run away trying my best not to be noticed!oh my god i have TRPH..wow that was fun. Tian Riz Premanjali n Hershey!!! and hersh got me hooked on to "over and over again - tim mc graw" hmm sweet.and i actually still like it 8 years later! 8 phew!i used to cry bitterly at even a hint of emotion, iused to crya lot.period.
anyway i can go on about being 15 when im not anymore , im a different person obviously.
im not shy, not all the time at least, i dont have any testimonials . i hardly have pink clothes, i still write but less than i should be, considering im studyin to be a professional writer.i still say random stuff , only it doesnt sound philosophical now.i still talk shit to reva and afshi ,i still cry,a lot:P, i do not fall in love with everyone now, merely appreciate the beauty lol,i do not write periodic emails to friends jsut to make them feel good:(,i stilll know fion fieza and liesbeth1!!!!i like red nailpolish but i stil love black!i dont wear sneakers with skirts anymore. ok im tried lol
and i have like this big messy room to clean, paint my nails...RED!exfoliate...the rest you dont need to know!(see still leetal shy, no?)and i have no eleee to entertain me and help me procratinate while we decide to clean the room, this may be the only time i appreciate a shared room!!
anyway tooooodlesssssssssss
song: fifteen - taylor swift. hahah i knowww .dont judge!!!
Monday, March 15, 2010
Lost in transit - 2
Moving day#2
So 8am...everyones up...and i m just about falling asleep so ill skip to 10 15.
My friend wants to know what happened with Terry o brien..and i say i haven’t called yet its too early..and then i realise how silly i can be...so i finally call him....and i get a voicemail.
Oooooh i realised ...hez leaving for somewhere, thats what the girl in the email said!!!
I leave a message....”hello , my names Tianna, and i heard that you’ve found my passport(i hate leaving voice messages!!!i never sound professional or even nice!!)it;d be nice if you could get back to me asap.thanks” hangs up.
Mom: “did you call that man?”
Me:”yup...got his voicemail”
Sum: “ did you leave your number?”
My Number??ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh.TING!!
Me:” we need to check the Green folder first”
Drive over to my place(yay i can call it that!!!)to meet Pat, my landlady, who’s cheeriness makes me forget about my passport and the green folder and we look around the house and maybe it was Pat and her lovliness or landlady skills but my room seemed perfect again and there wasn’t any grudge possibilities..shhh there isn’t!!!!!
W e sat around getting the “feel” of the place and then dad comes to the sitting area and says”
“i cant find the green folder”
SILENCE
OUTBURSTS
DENIAL
Confusion
And in my case utter disbelief!!! I mean 3 things in 3 days and not just ordinary things...something i love, something i neeed and something that defines me as a student !! so ilaugh....inside of course cause i wouldn’t dare laugh in front of tensed parents...I swear iwould have taken my phone and called people just to laugh right about then because i just couldn’t believe how backward my not so long ago serendipity was turning!!!
So theres panic, with pat my mom dad me and sumi was still trying to be calm.we searched hysterically for a while ,called auntie to check her car, considered possibilities again and then igave up internally.If there was one thing i could change about moving day 2 though, is the stress it caused mom n dad ,specially dad who was blaming himself...Guess its a parent thing to do though .
So we tried to distract ourselves by going off to find this Guajarati chat place we’d been meaning to eat at for a while, to find that it was shut.(by now i had no reaction to misfortune).Determined as we always are when it comes to food...we went to another suburb to find a brach of the same place...and it wass opennnn!!!
After the cutie(well i don’t think he was that cute but it felt good to be in a gujju place with gujju people and gujju {never thought i would say that one day }food so he automatically became likable,sweet boy)took down our orders and we relished our dishes and i relishes everyone elses dishes also we left for home to cross out the final possibility that the green folder was still at home.
Now you might think this is where we slap our foreheads and go how silllly we were ,it was here all along!!!
NOPE...no green folder
.I get online and email her(the woman who emailed me)and tell her the updated version of the day.there weren’t any updates actually.So i cancel the email.
I stare at the source of the email
UNIVERSITY OF SYDNEY.....im in Melbourne...i wass in Sydney...but idont study there...i was jsut enrolled there.so Mr O BRIEN...was walking along the road, and he sees this passport , hands it over to the police and they google my name or something i don’t know, and find im enrolled at UNISYD so they tell those people and they email me. VOILA..nothing i hadn’t thought of since yesterday...so my passport is safe.
Green folder....hmmm....ill have to live with it....how will i find a job...whats the point of an Australian education when i have no proff of former education to back me up....why ami wasting so much money....i should go back....without a passport??oh but thats safe....i should tell my friend to pcik it up soon so i relieve everyone of some stress...my not so great marksheets,my....oh idont even kjnow what was in that file but daddy always said it had EVERYTHINg....so my EVERYTHING.....omg....
Mom walks in.
“you know whhats!!!?” yea she said whats because she watched soem silly hindi movie and has got one ofthe characters strange plural language stuck in her head since.So yeah all excitedely shez standin there’re waiting for my usual”what??” andim staring back wondering
“is this the same person who just gave me a sounding on how i need to change and a lecture on something half an hour ago?” but then again its mom.
“what???”i ask, not interested....why would i be...my whole life is ruined!!!(someone called me melodramatic once , drama makes life a little more....hmmm..dramatic?)
“ i remember.....looking at your passport”Mom continues.
Me:”erm...so? i looked at it too”
Mom: “nooooooo,few days ago...Oh thank you god for refreshing my memory”
Me:”are usure:S...you could be wrong...do you want to thank God afterwards?”
Mom:”NO!i looked at it ,your old one and new one, looked at ur face, you nose, eyes ,you’r red top, you must have been only 10...”
Ok i softened a little....she was obviously feeling something maternal the day she was looking at it...oh....maternal.....mothers seem to forget logic when they get that way...this oculd be wrong information to solving the missing folder!
Me: ma, that was before i went to Sydney im sure
Mom:NOO CHILD, i know...omg, thank God i remembered. Eloy....i know what happened”
Dad was too upset to believe that Mum knew what had really happened,but mom went on with conviction
“SEE,the boot of the car was open yesterday,so the file fell out....
Me:” couldn’t have....”
Mom: “...it fell....someone found it here in elwood and called the university”
Me: “ but no one called the uni:S”
Mom” im talkin about the folderrr and the passport which was IN the folder
Me: but he found it in Sydney
Mom” no its here in elwood
ELWOOD...EARLWOOD....omg....it made sense....accents are strong here as it is..Miss unisyd obviously heard it wrong....
Me” no ya how could it be”(i dint know why iwas still disagreeing but i think its natural for me to say that even though sometimes i do believe what shez sayin andi think she knows that so its ok”
Mom:”im telling you!!he found all of it....saw your passport and your’e offer letter..called the uni and they emailed you..Iknow it!this is what happened. God is great...oh my god this is a miracle.”
She looked so sure...so happy and so relaxed that we believed it too
So i call mr Angel O Brien. He answers.
Mr Angel: “Terry o brien!!”
Me: “ HI! This is tianna. I got this email yesterday saying that you’ve got my passport.and OMG THANK YOU but is there any other stuff with it......???
I said this really fast i thought id have to repeat...We Indians talk really fast as it is!
Mr angel: yeah its got a whole bunch of other papers with it
ME: “omg omg omg...thank you so muchhhhhhhhhh!!!
Mr o brien(mr angel seems little lame after a while) :”No prob. I know whatits liek to lose stuff”
Me”( giggles uncertainly.....cosi don’t know what he really meant..could have been deeper than just losing material stuff...but hez married and all i mean he sounds happy)
Mr o brien: so where are you?
Me: In Melbourne , at elwood
Mr O Brien: oh that explains where i found it
Me: yea so iwas on my way to another place moving my stuff and it fell out of the boot of the car and omggg thank you so much!!
Mr o brien the explained how he informed the university and left it at a policed station.
Me: oh!!!thank you!(i know i said it too nmuch but iwas thankful really!!)
Mr o brien: im on holiday at the goldcoast actually you can just go pick it up from the police station
Me: ohhh ill do that....yea thanks...i will do that now
Him( his names long):don’t lose it again!!!
Me: ohh no i wontttt(laughs strangely)
Him : okay buhbye
Me: enjoy your holidayyyyyy...thank you again...byeee!
Moral...my mother is not always wrong....OK FINE ILL SAY IT THIS ONE TIME...SHE’Z RIGHT
So i go to Victoria police for the first time and hopefully the last time(not that it was a bad experience or anything and the officer was nice too) and i collected my lovely not exceptionally pretty looking folder all wrapped up in plastic..my passport pictgure staring up at me through the unclear plastic sheet...i sign some stuff and i see mr o briens address on top and his signature and i smile...i also smile cause daddy looks SO relieved and i smile again thankful that sum drove us there and grateful that she’z around.so much niceness and all it took was the green folder.Then i had a momentary confusion of how to look at mom after all this..but that went ok too cos everyone was smiling again and watching music and lyrics, Which is about a writer so i think of me and well it has hugh grant ...hmmmmm;) but thats a long story so ill skip it...
So things to do list
1. Write story on the lost and found and try and use it for assignment also to save effort:P
2. READ STUPID STUDY MATERIAL cos im here to study...lets not forget
3. Telll people cause it so interestinggg,no?
4. Cry little...cause it was all so overwhelming...but this is that happy tears thing so its ok to tell.
5. Update resume....for jobs!!!which i need now that i have to do all the things i need to do here
6. Omg so muchhhh ill have to make a better list
CANNED list 1.
Well all i know is mr o brien is going to be smiling soon(i mean he probably already is smiling to his wife on the goldcoast) reading a letter that has been carefully drafted to sound thankful(not that he doesn’t knowi am thankful with all that thanking) yet not exceptionally sweet .Because even though in some places its not uncommon to be honest or help someone out but because Mr angel brought back my diminishing faith in goodness of this world and gave me a good reason to feel secure in my new life which starts......tomorrow!!!:D
Moving day# 3
It hasn’t happened yet.....!!!!:D:D:D
So 8am...everyones up...and i m just about falling asleep so ill skip to 10 15.
My friend wants to know what happened with Terry o brien..and i say i haven’t called yet its too early..and then i realise how silly i can be...so i finally call him....and i get a voicemail.
Oooooh i realised ...hez leaving for somewhere, thats what the girl in the email said!!!
I leave a message....”hello , my names Tianna, and i heard that you’ve found my passport(i hate leaving voice messages!!!i never sound professional or even nice!!)it;d be nice if you could get back to me asap.thanks” hangs up.
Mom: “did you call that man?”
Me:”yup...got his voicemail”
Sum: “ did you leave your number?”
My Number??ohhhhhhhhhhhhhh.TING!!
Me:” we need to check the Green folder first”
Drive over to my place(yay i can call it that!!!)to meet Pat, my landlady, who’s cheeriness makes me forget about my passport and the green folder and we look around the house and maybe it was Pat and her lovliness or landlady skills but my room seemed perfect again and there wasn’t any grudge possibilities..shhh there isn’t!!!!!
W e sat around getting the “feel” of the place and then dad comes to the sitting area and says”
“i cant find the green folder”
SILENCE
OUTBURSTS
DENIAL
Confusion
And in my case utter disbelief!!! I mean 3 things in 3 days and not just ordinary things...something i love, something i neeed and something that defines me as a student !! so ilaugh....inside of course cause i wouldn’t dare laugh in front of tensed parents...I swear iwould have taken my phone and called people just to laugh right about then because i just couldn’t believe how backward my not so long ago serendipity was turning!!!
So theres panic, with pat my mom dad me and sumi was still trying to be calm.we searched hysterically for a while ,called auntie to check her car, considered possibilities again and then igave up internally.If there was one thing i could change about moving day 2 though, is the stress it caused mom n dad ,specially dad who was blaming himself...Guess its a parent thing to do though .
So we tried to distract ourselves by going off to find this Guajarati chat place we’d been meaning to eat at for a while, to find that it was shut.(by now i had no reaction to misfortune).Determined as we always are when it comes to food...we went to another suburb to find a brach of the same place...and it wass opennnn!!!
After the cutie(well i don’t think he was that cute but it felt good to be in a gujju place with gujju people and gujju {never thought i would say that one day }food so he automatically became likable,sweet boy)took down our orders and we relished our dishes and i relishes everyone elses dishes also we left for home to cross out the final possibility that the green folder was still at home.
Now you might think this is where we slap our foreheads and go how silllly we were ,it was here all along!!!
NOPE...no green folder
.I get online and email her(the woman who emailed me)and tell her the updated version of the day.there weren’t any updates actually.So i cancel the email.
I stare at the source of the email
UNIVERSITY OF SYDNEY.....im in Melbourne...i wass in Sydney...but idont study there...i was jsut enrolled there.so Mr O BRIEN...was walking along the road, and he sees this passport , hands it over to the police and they google my name or something i don’t know, and find im enrolled at UNISYD so they tell those people and they email me. VOILA..nothing i hadn’t thought of since yesterday...so my passport is safe.
Green folder....hmmm....ill have to live with it....how will i find a job...whats the point of an Australian education when i have no proff of former education to back me up....why ami wasting so much money....i should go back....without a passport??oh but thats safe....i should tell my friend to pcik it up soon so i relieve everyone of some stress...my not so great marksheets,my....oh idont even kjnow what was in that file but daddy always said it had EVERYTHINg....so my EVERYTHING.....omg....
Mom walks in.
“you know whhats!!!?” yea she said whats because she watched soem silly hindi movie and has got one ofthe characters strange plural language stuck in her head since.So yeah all excitedely shez standin there’re waiting for my usual”what??” andim staring back wondering
“is this the same person who just gave me a sounding on how i need to change and a lecture on something half an hour ago?” but then again its mom.
“what???”i ask, not interested....why would i be...my whole life is ruined!!!(someone called me melodramatic once , drama makes life a little more....hmmm..dramatic?)
“ i remember.....looking at your passport”Mom continues.
Me:”erm...so? i looked at it too”
Mom: “nooooooo,few days ago...Oh thank you god for refreshing my memory”
Me:”are usure:S...you could be wrong...do you want to thank God afterwards?”
Mom:”NO!i looked at it ,your old one and new one, looked at ur face, you nose, eyes ,you’r red top, you must have been only 10...”
Ok i softened a little....she was obviously feeling something maternal the day she was looking at it...oh....maternal.....mothers seem to forget logic when they get that way...this oculd be wrong information to solving the missing folder!
Me: ma, that was before i went to Sydney im sure
Mom:NOO CHILD, i know...omg, thank God i remembered. Eloy....i know what happened”
Dad was too upset to believe that Mum knew what had really happened,but mom went on with conviction
“SEE,the boot of the car was open yesterday,so the file fell out....
Me:” couldn’t have....”
Mom: “...it fell....someone found it here in elwood and called the university”
Me: “ but no one called the uni:S”
Mom” im talkin about the folderrr and the passport which was IN the folder
Me: but he found it in Sydney
Mom” no its here in elwood
ELWOOD...EARLWOOD....omg....it made sense....accents are strong here as it is..Miss unisyd obviously heard it wrong....
Me” no ya how could it be”(i dint know why iwas still disagreeing but i think its natural for me to say that even though sometimes i do believe what shez sayin andi think she knows that so its ok”
Mom:”im telling you!!he found all of it....saw your passport and your’e offer letter..called the uni and they emailed you..Iknow it!this is what happened. God is great...oh my god this is a miracle.”
She looked so sure...so happy and so relaxed that we believed it too
So i call mr Angel O Brien. He answers.
Mr Angel: “Terry o brien!!”
Me: “ HI! This is tianna. I got this email yesterday saying that you’ve got my passport.and OMG THANK YOU but is there any other stuff with it......???
I said this really fast i thought id have to repeat...We Indians talk really fast as it is!
Mr angel: yeah its got a whole bunch of other papers with it
ME: “omg omg omg...thank you so muchhhhhhhhhh!!!
Mr o brien(mr angel seems little lame after a while) :”No prob. I know whatits liek to lose stuff”
Me”( giggles uncertainly.....cosi don’t know what he really meant..could have been deeper than just losing material stuff...but hez married and all i mean he sounds happy)
Mr o brien: so where are you?
Me: In Melbourne , at elwood
Mr O Brien: oh that explains where i found it
Me: yea so iwas on my way to another place moving my stuff and it fell out of the boot of the car and omggg thank you so much!!
Mr o brien the explained how he informed the university and left it at a policed station.
Me: oh!!!thank you!(i know i said it too nmuch but iwas thankful really!!)
Mr o brien: im on holiday at the goldcoast actually you can just go pick it up from the police station
Me: ohhh ill do that....yea thanks...i will do that now
Him( his names long):don’t lose it again!!!
Me: ohh no i wontttt(laughs strangely)
Him : okay buhbye
Me: enjoy your holidayyyyyy...thank you again...byeee!
Moral...my mother is not always wrong....OK FINE ILL SAY IT THIS ONE TIME...SHE’Z RIGHT
So i go to Victoria police for the first time and hopefully the last time(not that it was a bad experience or anything and the officer was nice too) and i collected my lovely not exceptionally pretty looking folder all wrapped up in plastic..my passport pictgure staring up at me through the unclear plastic sheet...i sign some stuff and i see mr o briens address on top and his signature and i smile...i also smile cause daddy looks SO relieved and i smile again thankful that sum drove us there and grateful that she’z around.so much niceness and all it took was the green folder.Then i had a momentary confusion of how to look at mom after all this..but that went ok too cos everyone was smiling again and watching music and lyrics, Which is about a writer so i think of me and well it has hugh grant ...hmmmmm;) but thats a long story so ill skip it...
So things to do list
1. Write story on the lost and found and try and use it for assignment also to save effort:P
2. READ STUPID STUDY MATERIAL cos im here to study...lets not forget
3. Telll people cause it so interestinggg,no?
4. Cry little...cause it was all so overwhelming...but this is that happy tears thing so its ok to tell.
5. Update resume....for jobs!!!which i need now that i have to do all the things i need to do here
6. Omg so muchhhh ill have to make a better list
CANNED list 1.
Well all i know is mr o brien is going to be smiling soon(i mean he probably already is smiling to his wife on the goldcoast) reading a letter that has been carefully drafted to sound thankful(not that he doesn’t knowi am thankful with all that thanking) yet not exceptionally sweet .Because even though in some places its not uncommon to be honest or help someone out but because Mr angel brought back my diminishing faith in goodness of this world and gave me a good reason to feel secure in my new life which starts......tomorrow!!!:D
Moving day# 3
It hasn’t happened yet.....!!!!:D:D:D
Lost in transit
x
Moving day # 1:
Yayness!! After a month long holiday, this was finally the day I’d imagined ever since i got here. Well not really cos Moving day# 3 is the day id been imagining and it hasn’t really happened yet but this was the beginning of it anyway! There was this funny tugging feeling too, never got to wondering what that could be really ‘because there was so much to think about. You’d think that after 4 different destinations I would have learnt a wee bit of packing skills/techniques or anything related but I guess I am what I’d conveniently call a selective learner, also referred to as a lazy last minute person.HMM so enough self deprecating made up terminology.
So i sat glued to my laptop telling the world how i was moving out while actually not doing too much to help the process ,while my parents entertained Aunty who was keen on escorting me to me new homeJ and also stuffed in my last few belongings.
So super huge suitcase#1...Check!! Super huge suitcase#2...Checkk!!(how am i going to get that stuff back to India....definitely unchecked but again we’ll get to that someday!:P) Grey/green file with important papers ....Check...daddys been so careful with it for almost 6 months now......, Small trolley bag ...checkkkk! Purple stole that i lost yesterday while i was being stupidly pensive and running to class at the same time...MISSINGLHandbags with everything can fit in....not checked but im sure i managed to get it all in there!! So it didn’t matter if i got anything left out. Id survive Anyway.
So my beautiful moving day began and we set off to buy me my first step of independent groceries after our little stop to close the super stuffed boot which we daddy suddenly realises was open ...minor mistake...but then again what’s life without little bits of forgetfulness: P it’s a life full of responsibility ...that’s what it is...that’s something I’m here to learn anyway.
Im getting way off the subject so ill skip the rest of the afternoon.Towards evening we were settling me in.Iwas super excited to show my parents the lovely outcome of my search for the perfect house!
Mom enters my room...”oh...”She says...”OH?”i repeat?.What does OH mean when it comes from someone who has an opinion about everything that my life revolves around...Oh...oh wow?oh erm where have you brought me.... oh...just oh....what!!!!!!
“Arent’ u going to be scared at night, because your windows face the road???”
Now i will motherJ .
Dad enters.”How come you didn’t go for any of the bigger rooms?”
Me: “Im trying to be a little smarter with money “ (i say seriously but he ‘z still smiling, i don’t get the joke obviously)
Daddy: TSK tsk....i think...you should go for the bigger room baba, more space
Mom:”what does she need more space for,tsk tsk don’t be silly darling”
Me:” its decided....dont you see my smartness in choosing this room!”(clearly they didn’t)
Auntie: i think this room is lovelyyy, so much sunshine”
Dad: i think the bigger room is nicer
Mom: Hmmm yaa....actually...the bigger room faces the backyard and it has a better view and no one can see you from the road...and there IS more space but you will start throwing your clothes and shoes around and you might wan to go to the loo at the other end of the house in the night and ,no no don’t want.......”
Me: “So ???to keep or not to keep?”
Mom: “You decide”
Me” YOU’’ DECIDE!!!”( it was wierd those 2 words, iwasnt too used to hearing them you know)
Dad” no baba, you decide, if you’e ok with this room its okay, no problem”
Now you should know this was said in the way you’d probably say, yayyy chocolate avalanche with chocolate cake and icecream and brownies, but if you want to give me a peanut ,okay...
So final verdict,which im proud to say i came up with. “Let’s wait for the landlady to get here and she can help us decide.she’z a very sweet lady you know”
Well that didn’t happen. We went back home and had guests for a dinner we’d prepared only just then.
12:15 am (still counting it as day 1)
Aunty and uncle leave. I run to the laptop to check if anyone had decided to post comments on my excitement about moving. 2 mins of replying and scanning my email for “names that make me smile “later i see this name that made me smile, not because of some sweet,pointless or debatable comment that she had left but because she was a stranger who seemed to know something about me.
Dear Tianna, (it read)
Blah blah blah(i didint really read it properly the first time) MAN named Terry o brien(hey i heard bout this dude in class 2 days ago!!! So wierd) claims to have found your passport.(huh?reads again....WHATTTT!!!)in EARLWOOD(where in Gods name is that!!!)
Blah blah blah.....please feel free to call me if you have any more quieries...blabh blah...phone numbers ...
Regards.
“DADDY., didi need my passport..to get here??”
“No...you just needed your ticket ..why what happened”
Whole family in the room....
Itell them what happened.EVERYONES TALKING together....except Sum, who(God bless her patience) was trying to calm the 3 of us down!
Me: “BUT HOWWWWWWW COULD IT BE POSSIBLE...IHADDD IT WITH ME WHEN I SAID...(ok i don’t wanna tell them that do i?)
Mom:”Everything happens for a reason child...but who is this person...she said to be careful...my god”
DAD:”huh???? What nonsense...its a prank..some friend,...youngsters....
Me:NOOOOOO...its not any friend UGHHHH!!!!!!”
Sum: ok lets not panic till we know for sure..hez left a number. call him “
No one seems to hear
Sum: ok don’t get stressed....we’ll call him tomoro
More assumptions from us.
Sum: “goodnight,im goin to bed ” she sighed, obviously given up by now.
Dad:”its definitely in the grey green folder i made with all her documents” oblivious to the number of people that remained in the room.
Mom:” where is it?”
Me” in my new house i think”
Mom” uh oh...so we’ll see tomoro...everythin happens for a reason..there must be something in this...for u to learn...maybe to be more responsible”(how subtle, no? Hehe)
Dad n me have no idea who she indicated this to so we both frowned.
.....
I start planning how ill ask my friend to pick it up from Sydney,while still panicking...Its my passport!!i mean,anyhting could happen to me...
can it be dangerous daddy”
“No baba”
Ok so nothing could happen...but i still find it strange...whats the big deal about a passport then?ugh ! so i started wondering how my dreams would turn out that night i mean with lost purple stole’s and new houses with the grudge staying in it(what!!! now im scared and no one can take that away from me...)passport found by hot men., ok the hot bit was obviously a fantasy but its a dream after all i mean there was a chance that my sub conscious mind would pick up the HOT bit of it.. so i tried to sleep.....but obviously the excitement of the lost and found passport that never left my bag wasn’t going to let me....so i started writing this story instead...but back then i really didn’t know the ending.
Wednesday, January 13, 2010
A New Goodbye
Goodbye, Goodbye to another experience.
In the past 21 years 11 months and 12 days I've had to bid farewell to so many phases,people,possessions that you'd think that i would be used to it by now.Fact is, i still hate goodbyes, most of us do. I've seen sweet goodbye's , bitter ones, excrutiatingly painful ones,ones that forced me to grow up and some temporary ones but this one....its still nothing i have ever felt.
Sometimes just the thought of the word floating around in my head makes me teary eyed. I think i have a repulsion to the word! Im at the end of another road today and i cant even say ive felt this before. I have never felt so deliriously happy,anxious,scared,sad,awkward,angry all at one time and i dont like this strange unfamiliar feeling!I want to runnnn in this open field ahead of me and embrace my new freedom and yet i want to hold on to my daddys leg and bawllll my heart out, i want to cling to my mommy's dress and not to go school, i want to hug my best friends and never let go of the moment, i want to be so in love,i want to play with my sisters hair and trouble her till she kicks me out of the room, i want to sit at office and play games:P , i want to be goofy and call people names, i want to be serious and work hard, iwant to be there for people, i want to gossip with my cousins and have sleepovers .....but i have to let go now.Maybe temporarily....Maybe permanently.
........................................... *blink**blink*...................................................
I've always dreamt that i would live alone one day, study, meet people, travel, and i imagined it to the T! The clothes , the hair , the shoes, the stride ...everything. And now i 'v reached that place. Im right there!! Where i dreamt i would be...but then why doesnt it feel so great?Why do i want to hold on??
Im trying to identify this feeling so it feels familar enough to comfort me but as i scan through all the goodbye's i cant place my finger on this feeling. Nope, not when i finally gave away my favourite plaid red skirt that i wore for like 9 years, Not when left school, not when my friends moved to different countries, Not when i realised i had grown up, I;ve never felt this feeling. This is a new goodbye.
This is what i thought was a small goodbye, but i was wrong. This is the biggest Goodbye ive had to face so far. Because its not a definate goodbye.Its tentative, its indecisive,its fogging up the road ahead and honestly it makes me want to just be sick.
But im here and im facing it. Because when i made this decision , i knew i'd have to embrace change .I may have not known how soon or how drastic the change may be but now i do.
I am now a walking talking build up of emotions,fears,dreams,aspirations walking towards the future that is out to hit me like an icy torrent of rain that will wash away some of things that i want to so badly hold on to but in turn will clean out all the unwanted dirt and quench my thirst of living a new life.
And now ive come to realise that what i want, what i need and what i will get might never ever be the same thing.:)
*sigh*
Goodbye, life as i knew it.
In the past 21 years 11 months and 12 days I've had to bid farewell to so many phases,people,possessions that you'd think that i would be used to it by now.Fact is, i still hate goodbyes, most of us do. I've seen sweet goodbye's , bitter ones, excrutiatingly painful ones,ones that forced me to grow up and some temporary ones but this one....its still nothing i have ever felt.
Sometimes just the thought of the word floating around in my head makes me teary eyed. I think i have a repulsion to the word! Im at the end of another road today and i cant even say ive felt this before. I have never felt so deliriously happy,anxious,scared,sad,awkward,angry all at one time and i dont like this strange unfamiliar feeling!I want to runnnn in this open field ahead of me and embrace my new freedom and yet i want to hold on to my daddys leg and bawllll my heart out, i want to cling to my mommy's dress and not to go school, i want to hug my best friends and never let go of the moment, i want to be so in love,i want to play with my sisters hair and trouble her till she kicks me out of the room, i want to sit at office and play games:P , i want to be goofy and call people names, i want to be serious and work hard, iwant to be there for people, i want to gossip with my cousins and have sleepovers .....but i have to let go now.Maybe temporarily....Maybe permanently.
........................................... *blink**blink*...................................................
I've always dreamt that i would live alone one day, study, meet people, travel, and i imagined it to the T! The clothes , the hair , the shoes, the stride ...everything. And now i 'v reached that place. Im right there!! Where i dreamt i would be...but then why doesnt it feel so great?Why do i want to hold on??
Im trying to identify this feeling so it feels familar enough to comfort me but as i scan through all the goodbye's i cant place my finger on this feeling. Nope, not when i finally gave away my favourite plaid red skirt that i wore for like 9 years, Not when left school, not when my friends moved to different countries, Not when i realised i had grown up, I;ve never felt this feeling. This is a new goodbye.
This is what i thought was a small goodbye, but i was wrong. This is the biggest Goodbye ive had to face so far. Because its not a definate goodbye.Its tentative, its indecisive,its fogging up the road ahead and honestly it makes me want to just be sick.
But im here and im facing it. Because when i made this decision , i knew i'd have to embrace change .I may have not known how soon or how drastic the change may be but now i do.
I am now a walking talking build up of emotions,fears,dreams,aspirations walking towards the future that is out to hit me like an icy torrent of rain that will wash away some of things that i want to so badly hold on to but in turn will clean out all the unwanted dirt and quench my thirst of living a new life.
And now ive come to realise that what i want, what i need and what i will get might never ever be the same thing.:)
*sigh*
Goodbye, life as i knew it.
Friday, January 08, 2010
Tomato Wafer Theory
So , we decide to go buy some different munchies today for tea time and we spend the last 10 mins of our break trying to select from the widest possible range of wafers, scanning every ingredient, shape,size, etc. Some catch our attention and for a split second we may even consider buying it but 10 mins later when we walk out , its still the same old, same packet as always with the orangey coloured Tomato wafers!
Now who would think that our buying patterns could actuallly symbolize the way we make some choices in life? But the 2 of us, with our clearly evident aquarian eccentric brains came up with the Tomato Wafer Theory of life.
Now we know that sometimes this unconditional love for tomato wafers could lead to trouble, its wayyy too unhealthy sometimes and sometimes we know that its not needed in our life , then why do we still crave it everyday? Because its familiar? Because its always been there ? Because it tastes so good?Because when the sweet wafers touch our lips its worth all the wait ?We had a choice of at least 55 different types of wafers and biscuits , some healthy, some fried,some baked, some sweetened, soem spicy and basically all of them very different to our everyday choice but we still walked out of that store , stupidly happy with our choice liek it was the first time we had ever tried it.
Now even though it seems that im totallly dissing such consistent behavior, im not!Our consistent decision stems from the fact that we are grounded and we are loyal and we always stand by somethin we love. As retarded as it may sound, today the TWT totally cracked us up and made us realise that even though there are thigns we dislike thrown at us, even though our plans may not work out according to what we thought they'd be , we stay put in our beliefs and trust that all goes well with this decision that we've made.
In the lunch hour of our lives, those 10 mins of battle between the consitent mind and the wavering one , could make or break relationships,friendships or decisions we;ve made before.
To the Tomato Wafer Theory....cheers!:P
[ totally dedicated to shiv...who helped come up with this insightful theory on a totaly comical day!!]
Now who would think that our buying patterns could actuallly symbolize the way we make some choices in life? But the 2 of us, with our clearly evident aquarian eccentric brains came up with the Tomato Wafer Theory of life.
Now we know that sometimes this unconditional love for tomato wafers could lead to trouble, its wayyy too unhealthy sometimes and sometimes we know that its not needed in our life , then why do we still crave it everyday? Because its familiar? Because its always been there ? Because it tastes so good?Because when the sweet wafers touch our lips its worth all the wait ?We had a choice of at least 55 different types of wafers and biscuits , some healthy, some fried,some baked, some sweetened, soem spicy and basically all of them very different to our everyday choice but we still walked out of that store , stupidly happy with our choice liek it was the first time we had ever tried it.
Now even though it seems that im totallly dissing such consistent behavior, im not!Our consistent decision stems from the fact that we are grounded and we are loyal and we always stand by somethin we love. As retarded as it may sound, today the TWT totally cracked us up and made us realise that even though there are thigns we dislike thrown at us, even though our plans may not work out according to what we thought they'd be , we stay put in our beliefs and trust that all goes well with this decision that we've made.
In the lunch hour of our lives, those 10 mins of battle between the consitent mind and the wavering one , could make or break relationships,friendships or decisions we;ve made before.
To the Tomato Wafer Theory....cheers!:P
[ totally dedicated to shiv...who helped come up with this insightful theory on a totaly comical day!!]
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