Friday, August 08, 2008

In memory of all ive ever wanted

i wonder what people think when they see a madman on the road?Or whether they even acknowledge his presence? And if you think this is random, its not.
Today, when i looked at him closely, i suddenly had this revelation! I felt pain. Its not a new feeling but its the thoughts that complemented the feeling that caught me by surprise. I looked at this madman in a new light. There he was, talking to himself, dressd ina traditional rajasthani avatar ,waving his hands in the air like a traffic policeman should , laughing, frowning, dancing , all at once. And it made me smile to know that innocence still exists.
How many people do we know that are truly innocent. I would say NIL. Its not even possible so im not judging. Its just me trying to appreciate someone who gets only a couple of snide comments, nudges, abuses, everyday for no real fault of his.
*sigh*
Its quite strange that i had to touch upon lost innocence today or maybe its just a sub conscious thought. Ive realised that some things no longer suprise me.they might hurt me but im not surprised that some people can talk with no emotion, can smile with no feeling,can work with no motivation,can lie looking into the eyes of someone who knows the truth, im jsut not surprised anymore. Im not looking for a solution , im not trying to save the world,im not trying to achieve" world peace", Im just looking for my place in this monstrous world , my place as a daughter, sister, friend, advisor, stranger, or whatever i am to everyone. Im just looking for a "Safe placE" , where i can give with no strings attached where i dont falll harder than i try , where i'm needed and where i can mean a lot more.
Today, i feel good, im not ignoring all the pain, im embracing it so it melts under the warmth of my embrace, im embracing all the people who felt what im feeling, im being there for people who need someone..and i can finnally say "im back!!!":)