Saturday, May 03, 2014

I guess this is where you realize that the growing up you always chalked out for yourself has already happened. I know that growing up never really ends, but sometimes you pass the stages of life you were so sure would go a certain way, without really having the chance to see it that way. And that is okay.
It is okay because, more often than not, living consumes us and it's overwhelming. But then there are those select moments, when you're lying in bed, and you listen to song's you heard as a teenager and it fills you with such a familiar tangle of emotions. It's almost as if that much desired rewind button exists, if only momentarily.
There is faint pain attached from your early heartbreak's as the lyrics make you smile, you're not even surprised to feel a drop of salt-water roll down your cheek and you want more but you also want to make it stop.
There is also that smirk of pride to see your journey dance in your head, as you keep switching between songs of a playlist you'll know so well even 30 years from now.
Certain truth's hit you hard. You will not have the chance to marry your high school sweetheart and make memories from graduation to babies. You won't cuddle on sleep on your daddys tummy. You won't be innocent. You can't un-make the mistakes.
You will not go back. And thank God for that,really. Because even though you're not so sure that you can be happy about growing older, you're not escaping it. But you've pulled your way through it, making a life that you probably thought you had control over.
Here's a thought. If we controlled our own lives, why wouldn't it go the way we planned? We only make the choices the little voice in our heads guide us to, but everything else and everyone else that are a part of our story, they have been led to us too. Not by our spirits, but by the same voice, the same hand, the Only decider of our fate.
How can you not believe in destiny? How can you not believe in the author writing it for us when every breath testifies His presence...