The end of another end

The end of an end. Again

My brain is filled with nothingness. Noise so loud that it’s jarring.  I try and think of all the things I will miss about Melbourne but all I can see are images. Why won’t anything concrete appear so that I may acknowledge it. My eyes are welling up  again and this time I’m not quite sure which memory has opened up the tap. Is it 2 Pearce Street? Is it Deakin? Is it you?

My heart is paralyzed in fear that if it resumes beating normally I may collapse in utter disbelief that the past two months were actually reality as opposed to the dream I’ve forced myself to believe it was. I haven’t woken up yet .I’m still in REM. I’ m struggled in consciousness to dream that same dream again but I know its impossible. The noise won’t let me sleep anymore.

My body longs for the warm embraces that left me a few hours ago for an indefinite time.Best part of my dream without a doubt. The part of it that wanted me to never wake up.

Then I woke up.

Thank you for letting me be me.

Seems like I only remember to blog when I m moving into a new phase...

This cement porch im on feels so comforting , as i sit and tears por out endlessly. Why theyre adorning my fat cheeks i have no idea why. Is it because Im going back? Or is it because Im never going to see people I care about for a long time ,if not never agaian. Will they become people I used to know and love. People I'll fondly think about because they;ve physically gone from my life.

Melbourne, MY home...Not the one i shared with my parents and family...My own... the one i created for myself,with help from some amazing people.Each one adding more to my life than I ever needed or deserved. Each one letttin me be me, loving em or hating me but acknowledging me for who i am and not someone they wanted me to turn into. No"you should do this" or "you should be this", all it ever was was"you are". Taking it or leaving it was upto them and I was never happier than with that reality.The reality Im giving up for reasons that mean so much to me.

Now once again im faced with questions about my destiny and where I'm meant to be. Its hard to be thankful for what was when what lies ahead shows no promise of being happier.

Magic of US

I hold your hands like ornaments,
And all I meant was to be kind.
And all I meant was to be kind...
I pull your heartstrings tighter
And play my song as loud as I can.
I'll sing my heart out for you;
I'll sing my heart out for you.

How does all this feeling grow?
How does all this feeling go on?

I pull my sleeves out further and
I prepare to fight my demons.
I must not lose again this time.
So wrap your arms around me,
And sing the words as loud as you can:
"We are together in this world."
Together in this world...

How does all this feeling grow?
How does all this feeling go on?
How does all this feeling grow?
How does all this feeling go on?

And I will lift my head above the sky,
And I will see the stars tonight.
The stars tonight will brighten our faces;
Our minds will be racing along
With our hearts--
Intertwined with love.
The magic of us.

The Nicest Thing Lyrics

"The Nicest Thing"

All I know is that you're so nice
You're the nicest thing I've seen
I wish that we could give it a go
See if we could be something

I wish I was your favourite girl
I wish you thought I was the reason you are in the world
I wish my smile was your favourite kind of smile
I wish the way that I dressed was your favourite kind of style

I wish you couldn't figure me out
But you always wanna know what I was about
I wish you'd hold my hand
When I was upset
I wish you'd never forget
The look on my face when we first met

I wish you had a favourite beauty spot
That you loved secretly
'Cause it was on a hidden bit
That nobody else could see
Basically, I wish that you loved me
I wish that you needed me
I wish that you knew when I said two sugars,
Actually I meant three

I wish that without me your heart would break
I wish that without me you'd be spending the rest of your nights awake
I wish that without me you couldn't eat
I wish I was the last thing on your mind before you went to sleep

Look, all I know is that you're the nicest thing I've ever seen
And I wish that we could see if we could be something
Yeah I wish that we could see if we could be something