I wonder if nostalgia is never a bittersweet feeling for anyone? I hate that right now its more bitter than sweet though. Im wishing for the 6th time in the past hour that I was 15 again, listening to Dilemma and being in love and knowing what forever meant, dreaming of endless possibilities in dream induced lands that i was sure existed and would be revealed in my destiny. 10 years since then and if i count the many dreams that have been stolen from me, the ones that have died,the ones that u've had the opportunity to live and never repeat,the ones that have been dismissed, i may as well be left with nothing. Is that how old people become old?
I dont want that. I dont want to age into a person that knows it all, I want to wonder forever, I want endless possibilities always and dreams that im not ashamed to let go off.
Does it get better? Am I perceiving it all wrong? Is this solitude a stepping stone? I dont know. Does anyone feel the same amount of frustration? The feeling of wanting something so bad and not wanting it equally bad. Its not even an unfamiliar feeling, just one that overwhelms me. My patience gets thin and I retreat into hermitage to avoid hurting people that matter.
There's too much pain and anger surrounding the air. No amount of hugs given will heal his pain. No amount of months spent did anything that would make him miss me when it stopped. I've never been a quitter but i have been an submissive friend. I'm holding on to prayer, but letting go of all else. Im not sure if thats what im supposed to be doing but im doing it.I/m so tired of dragging myself up again, when each time I get heavier . I'm so tired.... Im just really tired.
SO tired. :(