Im listening to Heaven after SO so so long. *smiles* i Love what this song does to me. No matter what im feeling outside the 4:05 mins of this song, And right now, amidst all the chaos, its a welcome catharsis.
15 :08 mins of silence later, its amazing how moods can change,ehehe. I want angry music now!!!! Grrr....
write again in a bit...toodles!!

*breatheeeeeS......breathhhess again harder....breathes....SCREAMS!!!!*

Lifehouse - breathing

I'm finding my way back to sanity, again


Though I don't really know what

I am gonna do when I get there

Take a breath and hold on tight

Spin around one more time

And gracefully fall back in the arms of grace

I am hanging on every word you say

And even if you don't want to speak tonight

That's alright, alright with me

'Cause I want nothing more than to sit

Outside Heaven's door and listen to you breathing

Is where I want to be

I am looking past the shadows

Of my mind into the truth and

I'm trying to identify

The voices in my head

God, which one's you?

Let me feel one more time

What it feels like to feel

And break these calluses off me

One more time
'Cause I am hanging on every word you say

And even if you don't want to speak tonight

That's alright, alright with me

'Cause I want nothing more than to sit

Outside your door and listen to you breathing

Is where I want to be

I don't want a thing from you

Bet you're tired of me waiting

For the scraps to fall

Off your table to the ground

I just want o be here now
 
 
 
 
:)

I looked for the path to

Another realm where i can just be

In the presence of my untold stories

In the heart of my recurrent dream.

I try to escape this unconsious routine

Of your face that so habitually enters my thoughts

You nudge and you poke and you tickle my efforts

That go in vain because of this destiny we've begot.

Like a pen and paper have no life,

Till a fill of ink and a few wise thoughtsSo my heart knows no other way

Till a fill of love and a few strong heartbeats.
On a seive i place my life

And sift out the dirt from whats real

But before i know it my life has fallen throughAnd what remains is a memory of the love i once knew .
I am now a soldier with a scar from the war

And as much as i could blame this pain on you, i wont

Because if it wasnt for this scar i bear

there would be no brighter tomorrow, no garment of happiness for me to wear
As i as sit now in this other realm,

I can see my capabilities so crystal clear

And i thank you for this pain you've put me through

And i know now , that for you i wont shed another tear.


P.S This is for you Shivangi. Jus to let you know that you're worries never go unnoticed and that you're life will soon fall into place:)

Borderline Balancing Act

So yes, i have been gone way to long , my sorryness will seem too fake so i will skip it.

Im on the rim on a giant glass of red wine, balancing to save my very temporarily pained self. What do you think? Will i get to the other end and hop onto the giant loaf of soft white bread(which im not allowed to eat anymore..THANKS pcod!:P) or will i drunk drown and give in to the scarlet intoxicant of my many many , what seem like, obstacles in the way of just 24 hours of pure bliss....You know the kind that makes ure eyes sparkle like theyre worth a million bucks , the kind that makes your stomach do a flip like you are upside down on the loop of a rollercoaster screaming out alll your woe's and just fallllingg freeeeeee, what do you think?
I want to run way over to the other side of this table, past the finger foods and the butter and even the gigantic turkey and run into your embrace like there's no care in the world!
But will it happen? Can i afford to think of the other side of the table when im hanging on for my dear life on the rim of this beautiful disaster? Which way do i look at it? As a reason to motivate myself to get to the end...or as a eye opener to whats in front of me RIGHT now and what i have to deal with? Because i refuse to drown , i refuse to give up on being as determined as i always like to believe i am, i to get sucked into the pit at the bottom of the glass where many a men on an alcoholic spree confuses with a crytall ball? No the bottom of the glass does NOT tell you the future...NO it does no comfort you ...No its not the answer to all the woe's that u CREATE for yourself.
Getting to the other side of the table is not that hard when you're destination isnt being screened out by distractions that you encounter along your way. Its not hard when you know that there will always be a soft bread landing at the end of it.because God wont let you fall.If you fall its be cause you havent made the right choice , you havent showcased any foresight, you havent measured your steps before you leaped. Not that you will ever admit it.Not that i will ever admit it.Not directly at least.
Sometimes i might hate my dinner table of a life. I might wonder why i got stuck with it instead of having that barbeque set of a life ! Sometimes i love it so much because its mine.Its the one thing that is mine. That im accountable for, that i can share with all the people in my life, friends, strangers, family, animals......Its a gift. Each time i try and understand life, i see a new perspective of it. How awesome and wondrous would something be, if it lasted forever ,beyond time, if it was embedded in everything we did or didnt do, said or didnt say,if it was something we couldn't live without , heck if these words would not be words without!?!How can you reallly live without life? If that doesnt make you want to love life, nothing will.

Drawing circles

I miss you
But I don't miss the place
I don't miss the tension
But I miss your smiling face
I don't miss the problems
And I don't miss the fights
I don't miss the long,
dark and lonely nights
I miss the reasons
and the causes that we had
To do what we did
And never feel bad
I don't miss the excuses
That we were full of
But I miss the feeling of thinking
That I might be in love

After all this time
And all that's taken place
I can say I've walked a line
That was drawn by fate
I've stumbled side to side
It could have gone either way
But we keep rolling like the tides
Regardless of yesterday

I refuse to live each day like it's my last
That would have me too caught up in the past
I'd rather pretend it's my first and explore a new start
In the end we're all drawing circles because living life is an art

I don't miss the chances
That we let go to waste
And I don't miss the dishonesty 
of our words standing face to face
I miss the way our eyes
Would always tell the truth
And I miss the way you knew
That I could always see right through you
But I don't miss the feeling
That you acted like I didn't count
And I don't miss the times
I reached out and you weren't around
I miss all the inside jokes
Between you and me
I miss the routine
And I miss the consistency

After all this time
And all that's taken place
I can say I've walked a line
That was drawn by fate
I've stumbled side to side
It could have gone either way
But we keep rolling like the tides
Regardless of yesterday

I refuse to live each day like it's my last
That would have me too caught up in the past
I'd rather pretend it's my first and explore a new start
In the end we're all drawing circles because living life is an art

                                                  - anon